Parenting

 When thinking of parenting, Heavenly Father (God) comes to mind, the fact that He is a perfect being who loves His children unconditionally and is merciful to them. God`s ultimate purpose is to guide us without compelling us on our path to eternal life. This process is similar to earthly parents; however, the only difference is that earthly parents are there to guide their children, leading by example without compelling them on their journey in mortality. Furthermore, parenting has become increasingly more difficult because of the growing wickedness in the world. I think on top of increasing wickedness, most children have become increasingly stubborn and “bosses” instead of parents. Michael Popkin has by far the best parenting approach called active parenting. He mentioned that instead of being reactive, we have to pay more attention to what the child`s needs are. He said the purposes of parenting are to protect and prepare a child to survive in the world they are living in. Popkin mentioned that all human beings have finite needs such as food, shelter, protection, this also includes children. He mentioned that these needs are absolutely important for their growth and maturity. The first need is contact, meaning physical contact, he mentioned that if the kids are not touched, cuddled may end up having developmental challenges, even a condition called “failure to thrive” caused by the lack of contact. Even during the COVID-19 pandemic, there was an escalation of people with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts among college students, this shows that there is a great need for physical contact. Solitary confinement is very dangerous because it makes one vulnerable to loneliness and depression. Undue attention-seeking can be seen in kids who did not get enough physical contact, Wanting too much attention is one of the most common behaviors that drive parents crazy. The belief, that children have, behind that behavior is: I belong only when I’m being noticed or getting special service; I am

important only when I’m keeping you busy with me. Parents need to pay attention to their children`s behaviors and seek to customize their approach and satisfy their needs. Popkin suggests that parents need to offer contact freely to their kids. He also mentioned that parents need to help kids learn to contribute, when kids learn to contribute when growing you are trying to tell them that they belong and can contribute to different situations such as school, work, and the community around them. Offering attention freely helps the children avoid seeking attention when they are doing a negative behavior because when attention is given during the negative behavior, there is actually a reinforcement of the negative behavior. The second thing Popkin mentioned is the need for power, the mistaken approach is trying to control others and the second one is rebellion. Popkin mentioned that children need to have choices, situation-appropriate, and age-appropriate choices, he continued to say that together these form consequences and lead to responsibility. There are many ways that parents can help kids have a responsibility, for example, the responsibility to make choices, parents also have to create situations to help their kids make those choices. All of these practices are to teach children to be responsible citizens and live a healthy life and make good decisions that shape their future. It is important for children to learn from the natural consequences of their decisions. However, Popkin said that there are three exceptions to learning from natural consequences which are:

1.     Sometimes natural consequences are too dangerous.

2.     Sometimes they are too far in the future – Age and situation appropriateness is very important.

3.     When the consequences are going to hurt someone else.

The third need that Popkin talked about is revenge. People tend to make a connection between revenge and respect which is a very dangerous connection to make. This can lead to vicious revenge cycles. Popkin mentioned that in order to avoid revenge, parents need to teach their children assertiveness, which is the willingness to speak up and share how they feel. This seems to be a very vulnerable thing to teach but it is requisite for it to be taught. He also mentioned that we need to teach forgiveness because it heals.

Parenting can be overwhelming, but it is necessary to customize their approach to the specific needs of their children. Being conscientious about the ways we teach our kids is very important because it increases the effort, we put in doing so.